You are a realist, and in the real world, small gestures and platitudes may not always be enough. All problems are not fixable. You are always dealing with individuals with private agendas far beyond your control. A family member may engage in destructive behavior. An employee may demand wages and benefits beyond your ability to comply. Some customers cannot be satisfied. Keeping lines of communication continually open at least gives you the opportunity for early intervention. On rare occasions, even with patience and reason, all you may be able to do is to restate your position, set limits, and outline possible consequences. Finally, you may have no recourse except to back off and walk away. Your forceful persuasion may be elegant and cathartic to you but will probably do little to change someone who is intransigent and unmotivated to change.
Broken marriages, alienated children, lost friends and failed business deals can often be traced back to poor communication. Somebody wasn’t listening to what somebody else was saying. If your listener is stupid, lazy, distracted, disinterested or absorbed by his or her own side issues, little effective communication is likely to take place. Likewise, if your arguments are seen as false, disorganized or prejudiced, they will tend to fall on deaf ears. There are those who actively seek to listen and learn. There are those who are self-absorbed and want to hear nothing. There are those who pretend sincerity but inside they are actually dismissive of your advice. You can only let them know that if and when they are ready to commit to constructive dialogue that you are ready to talk reasonably and seek compromises that do not infringe on your values.
You are tough. You do have things to do. You do have your mission to complete. You do have your values to uphold. You do not have time to deal with fools and their drama. However, toward those with sincere intent, you will listen. You will try to help. You will promote reconciliation. You will make reasonable accommodations to their personal likes and dislikes. You will repeat how interested you are in a sound relationship in which all parties benefit and no one is injured. If you are wrong, you will admit it immediately and ask for forgiveness. If you are wronged, you will do your best to forgive and forget quickly.
The long-term relationship is almost always more important than the short-term problem.
